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<title>Millennium Goes to Spencer's in the Mall by Red Eyes Black Scythe (VisceraNight)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24870517">Millennium Goes to Spencer's in the Mall</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisceraNight/pseuds/Red%20Eyes%20Black%20Scythe'>Red Eyes Black Scythe (VisceraNight)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hellsing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, Gen, Humor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:41:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>171</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24870517</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisceraNight/pseuds/Red%20Eyes%20Black%20Scythe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly what the title says.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Millennium Goes to Spencer's in the Mall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>If you're squinting and going "haven't I seen this before?" then you probably saw it in shitpost form on my tumblr. (Which is also why it's written in this style, I really didn't edit it much from the tumblr post besides removing the bullet points.) I've also recycled some of the jokes in one of my other fics.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~ Millennium Goes To Spencer's In The Mall ~</p><p>Major takes one look around and nopes the fuck outta there. He will wait for y'all outside, thank you very much.</p><p>Captain has his hands full trying to keep Schrodinger at the front of the store. Schrodinger is giggling at funny t-shirts and trying to convince Captain to buy him a hat with a marijuana leaf embroidered on it.</p><p>Dok is curious yet disgusted by most of the items in the store. He reads the entire cooking instructions of the box of penis-shaped macaroni.</p><p>Rip is only interested in one item.</p><p>"But it says 'Magic Bullet' right here on the package!"</p><p>"Rip, no."</p><p>Zorin goes up to the counter with an armload of sex toys.</p><p>Dok stops arguing with Rip about the Magic Bullet long enough to tell Zorin, "Don't let Schrodinger see those."</p><p>Rip is still stubbornly clutching the mini vibrator.</p><p>"What, that's all you're getting?" Zorin asks, plucking it from her hand.</p><p>"Hey!" Rip protests.</p><p>"Relax, I'll buy it for you."</p><p>~end~</p>
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